Just a Speed Bump

When I was younger, all I dreamed about was becoming successful and living a fabulous life; like any other kid would imagine. However, I have had my trials that are making the “fabulous life” a difficult one to achieve.

For the past three semesters at AUM, I have been paying my own way through school. I buy my own books, I pay half of my tuition, and take the other half out as a subsidized loan. Apart from school I also paid for everything of mine. That included my own groceries (I bought a mini fridge for my room), my gas, my car, my insurance, my cell phone, and anything else I would want. Asking for something from my mom or stepdad was never an option. The only reason why I was living there was because the child support my mother and stepfather were collecting was paying my rent. Which is completely unfair.

I was “kicked out” of my house towards the middle of July, just a few weeks before I turned 19. My stepdad is an asshole and does not know how to control his temper and can also be very manipulative. So, he kicked me out and my mother just stood by and watched. The reason for this was because my mother and I were arguing; he had no part in our argument. She filled out my FASFA for college aid incorrectly which resulted in a tiny loan for school compared to what I was used to. I had to work so incredibly hard to get her to sit down and fix my FASFA so I could get the right amount of loan, but it was relatively impossible. When she finally completed the paperwork for me, I was still angry with her and my stepdad finally found out about our little argument. He tried to “talk” to me about how I treat my mother bad and how I always walk all over her and things got heated from there.

He partially wrecked my room (messed up the things I paid for myself) all while yelling and cussing at me to “get out” and to “leave and don’t come back.” My mother kept trying to put herself between him and me, but he just kept pushing and throwing her out of the way. Finally, after he pushed her one last time into the corner of a wall, I called the cops.

The cops showed up, finally. We had around 4 cop cars at our house. I explained to them my part of the story outside of the house, because at that point my stepdad had pushed me out of the house. I was hoping he had completely trashed my room like he had a few times before so the cops could see, but he didn’t for some reason. The number one question the cops kept asking me was “how old are you” and the kept demanding to see my license.

If I was 19, the entire incident would have been my problem and I would’ve gotten in trouble for trespassing, among other things. But because in the state of Alabama, I am not a legal adult until the age of 19 and at the time I was only 18.

I tried so hard to explain to the cops my entire situation, how I was a paycheck to my stepdad and how I do everything for myself. But it did not matter. They talked to me like I was a child and told me I had to go to court if I was concerned with hoe my child support was being used. In the end, the cops decided it was a case of aggravation on all accounts. That means I had a count of aggravation, my mother had a count of aggravation (even though she was the one being shoved into walls), and my stepdad had a count of aggravation (even though he was being physically abusive). All my stepdad could do was smile.

I was so disgusted; I packed a bag and left that night. I stayed with my sister.

The worst part of it, however, was how my mom started acting towards me and even how I was acting towards her. I was so worried about her. I kept texting her all night, telling her "I am sorry" and "I love you," but she just ignored me. I didn’t even have anything to be sorry about really, I was just sorry that she was crying.

The next day she came over and I could barely face her. I was so worried about her. I knew one of her concerns would be the rest of her family finding out what happened; all of her side of the family hate him and know that he always treated me and my sister badly.  I was so worried about her, I told her no one had to know and I would take care of everything. I kept her secret and lied to the rest of the family. I covered up what her husband had done just to make her feel better. But I was the victim here. I have no idea why I did it. And now, I wish I hadn't.

But I told the family I had moved out and I was so excited and happy. Everyone was hesitant. They could all tell something had happened. Of course, my father knew everything that happened, but the rest of them just had an idea. I was so worried about everyone lashing out at my mother that I lied to them all.

But now it is early November. We all slowly mended relationships, but I still don’t feel the same way towards my mother and especially towards my stepdad. I thought I was over what happened, until I started typing this article. I shouldn't have been as caring for my mother at the time when she was firmly standing by my stepfather and his decisions. I shouldn't have shielded her from and lashing out from my other family. And I definitely shouldn't have lied to my family, when they have been nothing but supportive.

I am happy to be on my own, in my cute little apartment with my crazy little kitty, Ari for company. It is a little bit of a struggle with all of the bills and school to think about. It can be a little stressful, but overall it is the most peaceful it has ever been for me.

And I know that through all things, Allah is with me.